Ponders End

So while Miki and I were coming up with some words and images for a meme from The Coffee Cup Club I got inspired by one of the illustrations I did as a “stand in” for Shelley, one of our authors. It kind of made me want to write a story, so let me say right now that the girl in the story bears no resemblance to Shelley!! (as far as I know…..)

Meditating about coffe cups

Ponders End 

A great many years ago, in a land of ice and snow and strange moons, and houses and stuff, there lived a young, inquisitive girl.She was a bit of a show-off, to be honest, and got on everyone’s nerves, and twice on Sundays.

She used to turn up at school five minutes early every day, so that she could show the other poor children her Fortnum and Mason’s mini food hamper and sneer at their home-made curled up egg and cress sandwiches.

Once the lessons were underway, she delighted in jumping the gun, and answering all the teacher’s questions before anyone else even had the chance to yell “comprehensive”. Basically, she was the most annoying brainy git that had ever lived, and the class were heartily sick of her. 

One small boy, who always hid at the back of the class, however, had been working on a plan, which he called “The Plan” for several weeks. 

He had realised that if he could come up with a question that would cause Dysrythmia Lycanthrope (for that was her name) to ponder without surcease, they would effectively have got her out of their collective hair. They didn’t have collective hair, you know, like one big wig for the whole class, or like, a hair bank where they could go and get their own piece of hair for the day, they weren’t bald or anything, I was just trying to conv…”GET ON WITH IT!! – editor ) 

The boy, named Lolling Banquette, stumbled upon the answer to his prayers that very morning, and leapt in the air crying; “Urethra! I have found it!” (Biology was not his best subject)

The rest of the class stood in silence as he addressed Dysrythmia, who was otherwise occupied with a troublesome smirk that had taken up residence on her face. “Answer me this!” yelled Lolling, theatrically, “What is the difference between a duck?”

He threw his head back triumphantly, and it rolled under the teacher’s desk. He scurried off to retrieve it, having lost the gravitas of the moment somewhat. The smirk left Dysrythmia’s face without so much as a forwarding address.

“I..I..I’ll have to think about it..” she answered in an uncharacteristically small voice. You know how small a nanosecond is? That’s the kind of small we’re talking about here. 

All day long she could be seen pacing the school corridors, willing her brain to come up with the answer, but to no avail. When the school bell went, someone was sent to fetch it back, and then it rang, signalling the end of the day. The children streamed home, all except for Dysrythmia Lycanthrope, who made her way up the conveniently situatedYellow Mountain for some peace and solitude to allow her to better address the problem. 

She sat on a conveniently situated rock on the top and pondered, and pondered.  The moon waxed and waned, and did lots of other moony stuff for many moons. The children went to school day in, day out, until eventually they were all grown up.

Lolling Banquette decided, on his eighteenth birthday that he would climb the not-quite-so-conveniently-situated-now Yellow Mountain (it had been bought by the Americans and relocated in Cleveland) and see what was taking her so long. When he got there he found that she had turned completely to stone, so long had she pondered his question. 

So the moral of this story is, don’t be a clever sod, otherwise you’ll end up as a statue on top of a freezing cold mountain and pigeons will come and crap all over you.  And they all lived happily ever after. (Except the girl of course, she was finished.)

Story by Kev Moore Illustration by Kev Moore/Miki copyright 2007

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4 Responses to “Ponders End”

  1. Funny story! I’m glad it wasn’t about me…although some parts sound vaguely familiar…

    The illustration is lovely! The twinkly stars are great 🙂 I am honored to have it as a “stand-in.” I did a coffee cup painting last night. I guess I should track down Miki’s email address to send it to her to put in the post?

  2. Thank you Shelley!

    The meme post is done now, with all the links, but it would be cool if you put it in as a regular entry to the CCC, saying you’ve come down the mountain after having a think and thats what you came up with! 🙂

  3. psychscribe Says:

    Hi Kevin, I love this story. Its funny but like all fairy tales, it does have a ring of truth to it, doesn’t it…Please do write more! You’ve inspired me to write a couple that have been brewing in my coffee cup.

  4. Maggie, how kind! I shall of course write more. As Miki will tell you, I find it hard to stop. An interesting point about the sliver of truth that runs through Fairy tales…I guess they were often a device in ancient times to stealthily get a message across. It brings to mind the seemingly innocuous English Childrens nursery rhyme “Ring o Ring o Roses” which is in fact describing the symptoms of the Great Plague that swept London;

    Ring o Ring o roses (the red rash of weals that would appear initially around the victim’s neck
    A pocket full of posies (people would carry small packets of flowers around to combat the smell of the dead and dying)
    A TISHOO! A TISHOO! (the sneezing heralded….)
    We all fall down. (certain death)

    Charming, eh? !!

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